And so it begins: The countdown to the 2008 Apple Cup on Nov. 22.
Likely winless Washington and its lame duck coach Tyrone Willingham visits woeful state rival Washington State, owners of a single victory over an FCS foe as well as the first defense in college football history to give up more than 60 points four times in a season.
Calling it a train wreck does a disservice to train wrecks.
Oh, but you know you can't turn away.
This is like a throwdown between "Plan 9 from Outer Space" vs. "Gigli".
This is like the 2003 Detroit Tigers vs. the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers, if we can be allowed to mix sports mediums.
This is like, well, the 1987 "Toilet Bowl" between Kansas and Kansas State, which finished in a 17-17 tie. The Jayhawks finished the season 1-9-1, the Wildcats at 0-10-1.
This is like the less heralded but perhaps even more pathetic encore in 1988 in which Kansas beat Kansas State, providing the only win between them. Those two squads were outscored that season 944-360.
Of course, the Huskies and Cougars combined scoring deficit -- 776-224 with four games remaining -- blows that out of the water.
In fact, the Cougars likely will enter the NCAA record book in the ignominious "Most points allowed in a season" category, even before they play their 13th game at Hawaii. They have surrendered 443 points -- 49.2 per game -- and the record is a mere 566, yielded by Eastern Michigan in 2002.
Hey, we know that statistics can sometimes make a person's eyes glaze over, but consider these fun facts.
- Both teams rank between 111th and 119th (worst) in the nation in these minor statistical categories: scoring offense, scoring defense, total offense, total defense, rushing offense, rushing defense.
- Washington has five sacks (119th); Washington State has six (118th). Combine their total: 11. 99 teams have recorded 11 or more sacks.
- Washington State is tied for last in the nation with a turnover deficit of negative-2.22 per game.
- Washington has caused the fewest turnovers in the nation: 5. 105 teams have caused at least double that total.
- Washington State is last in the nation in third down conversion percentage: 26.4 percent.
- Washington is last in the nation in pass efficiency defense. Foes are completing 71 percent of their passes, which is only slightly lower than if the opposing offense were merely running routes without a defense.
- Washington State ranks last in the nation in points allowed (49.2 per game) and next to last in points scored (12.3), which obviously means that no team has a larger average margin of defeat this season.
It's not unfair to say that the loser of the Apple Cup will earn mention as one of the worst teams to emerge from a major conference in the modern era, joining such squads as 1981 Northwestern, 1959 Virginia and 2000 Duke.
You have know idea how laughably wrong you are on this one, but I'm too exhausted from the game to argue. Sorry about UNC's loss to Maryland today.
